Randall King
Randall King is an up and coming country music man and the imaginary creation of current U.S. vice president Mike Pence. Created so that Mike Pence could cope with the constant incelry of his actual son Randall Boggs, Randall King embodies all of his "father's" most precious ideals on what makes a real American man. However, Randall King is only an illusion, a mere distraction that Mike Pence indulges in to escape the harsh reality of being the accidental father of the world's most contagious tape worm. he can be your angle very little is known about randall king's conception, as mike pence is a very Christian man who doesnt want his current wife and family to find out about either his illegitimate son through unprotected eye contact or the fact he secretly dreams about being a daddy to male country music singers. from what shangry spies within the trump/waternoose administration report, randall king came to mike pence in a dream, when the vice president was recovering from another toe replacement surgery. though the surgery predictably failed, mike pence saw an angel appear to him while he was still high off anesthesia, and that angel was randall king. immediately mike pence knew that this strapping young good ol southern boy was his true, heaven-ordained son, and thus randall king was born. mike pence named him 'randall' so that when you look up 'mike pence randall son' his actual toilet bowl-licking son doesnt come up; the last name 'king' comes from the king james bible, mike pence's favorite book that he hasnt read. i just wanna mow hay... despite being the son of the vice president of the united states, randall king grew up as a fourth generation hay hauler in the middle of texas. this was because mike pence very much wanted randall king to be a god-fearing weed-hating republican like himself, and believes that torturing children with poverty and/or gay conversion therapy is the first step to pulling yourself up by your bootstraps. during his time in texas, the young randall king was exposed to many republican realities, such as when he accidentally gave his pet gecko mesothelioma by quoting the 2nd Amendment. most importantly, however, randall king loved country music, and to everyone's complete surprise he didnt sound anything like his slur slinging, steve buscemi sounding lizard counterpart. due to being assigned chad at birth, randall king had a deep red velvet cake voice and a natural proficiency at looking good in cowboy hats. he quickly became a hit at talent shows and county fairs all over the state, and with the help of a small loan of a million dollars from "uncle trump," his song mirror mirror became a nationwide hit, inspiring a whole generation of republicans to complain about the war on christmas. on the road again randall king seems to spend most of his time either on the road touring the united states, or on twitter tweeting about how humble he is. his marital status is unknown: randall king is only attracted to people with the name 'randall queen,' but everyone with that name is male and randall king doesnt dare to be gay, lest he suffer the wrath of his homophobic father and audience. randall king is also being stalked by cardinal vicki, who has both an unnaturally high tolerance for country music due to living in texas, and who really wants to change their name to :"randall queen" so sempai will notice them (not to be confused with that dumb thotticus Randall Queen). despite this stupidity, randall king appears to be as happy as you can be knowing your father is a dumbass racist political puppet who supports pepper spraying refugees at the border. the only other character in the shangry bible that randall king regularly interacts with is surprisingly the original randall: randall king still feels bad about accidentally transforming his beloved pet gecko into Randallsuji via uncontrolled republicanism. as such, randall king knows he'll never find peace, he still cant help dreaming that one day, his family will stop fighting during the holiday season and finally come together to enjoy the hay harvest with him. Category:Chads Category:Randall Family